Week #2

I'm going to be a vegetarian.

Yep, you heard right. Recently, I took a health assessment at work. Turns out I'm probably going to die of stomach cancer. Most likely along with half the office because that must be the catch-all disease -- "oh, you have a low risk for stroke, you'll get a tummy tumor for sure." But, on the off chance that it's really my poor eating habits that are going to give me cancer, I'll give being a vegetarian a try.

I know it's going to be hard right off the bat because I'm really craving the Grumpy's breakfast for Sunday morning brunch. Eggs, hashbrowns, cheese, and bacon all cooked up together in a skillet... mmm, soooooo delicious. And while some might argue, "just get rid of the bacon," I say that really, being a vegetarian means giving up eggs as well. Eggs always remind me of that Karl Malone skit on Crank Yankers where it mocks those old "The More You Know" PSAs and Karl Malone says, "eatin' eggs is like eatin' babies. You gots to know." There's more to it than that, and Karl Malone is a puppet, and Jimmy Kimmel is involved, but I scoured the world wide interweb for a clip because it's super funny, and I can't find it anywhere. It's like it never happened. I called my friend Rachel just to check, and she remembers seeing it with me, so I'm pretty sure I didn't make it up.

Anyway, as of right now, I am off the meat. I can do it. I have faith, and willpower, and no groceries, so maybe I'll just give up eating all together.